The new DuckTales is set to return in 2017, and this time, Donald Duck won’t be away serving in the Navy. He’ll be hanging with his feathered family.
While DuckTales is beloved by a generation, we can’t help but wonder if now is the best time to bring back a show all about the poster duck for the 1% and his privileged family.
Not only does the exploding wealth of CEOs and celebrities make a lot of ordinary people grind their teeth, but reality TV and scandalous scions of wealthy families have really raised the bar for drama. Globetrotting? Meh. Incarceration? Yeah!
So we thought we’d offer Disney a little help with some modern plot lines for an updated DuckTales. Because we have a family audience, none of them involve sex tapes.
- “Damage Control in Duckburg”: TMZ gets video of Scrooge and the kids diving into piles of gold coins, and it goes viral. To burnish his reputation, Scrooge signs the Giving Pledge, promising to devote at least half of his wealth to philanthropy either during his lifetime or in his will. The boys shrug it off, because family is more important than money.
- “Mr. McDuck goes to Washington”: Scrooge runs for president on the strength of his successful business career and treasure-hunting skill. His campaign is damaged when he applies for building permits for a new Money Bin, complete with elevators for his gold coins. But the campaign doesn’t end until it is revealed McDuck was born in Scotland and, thus, is not eligible to be president of the United States.
- “Orange is the New Beak”: The boys take Scrooge’s new jet for a joyride, leading to a charge of reckless driving for Dewy. He is sentenced to 45 days in jail but is released after a few days to spend the rest of his sentence confined to his uncle’s palatial home. The rest of his sentence feels more like an episode of “Phineas & Ferb.”
- “Winging It”: Rather than flying south for the winter under his own power, Hewy decides to fly commercial — a decision the entire family comes to regret when Hewy melts down in First Class, calling his fellow passengers “peasants” and threatening to have the flight attendants fired. The episode ends on a cliffhanger with Hewy facing federal charges and the possibility of 20 years in prison.
- “Keeping Up with the McDucks”: The family is excited to get an offer to do a TV reality show. But the offer is withdrawn once the producers figure out that a string of humiliations — including a viral video, a reckless driving charge and an in-flight meltdown — have led the family to become extremely boring to avoid any further embarrassment.
- “Undercover Duck”: Scrooge does an episode of “Undercover Boss” in which he disguises himself to get a look at how his business really works. Meeting his hardworking employees, he discovers how difficult it is for them to live on minimum wage. In a moving coda, he allows three standout employees a chance to swim in the Money Bin for 30 minutes each.